The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Something I’ve come to understand is that most of the pain in my life is in my head. I imagine this is true for you too. I know it’s not easy to hear. There’s a certain comfort in playing the role of a victim.  But the reality is, I am healthy, safe, and surrounded by people who care about me. I’m living a life I once dreamed of – waking up without an alarm, and enjoying a peaceful hour walking my dog in a beautiful setting.

And yet, despite all of this, it’s easy for me to convince myself that my life is a disaster, that I’m heading toward failure, poverty, and humiliation. Why? Because I’ve had a slow start to my coaching this week (and it’s only Tuesday). I’ve taken a simple, neutral fact and turned it into a negative narrative that doesn’t reflect the truth of my life.  My story overshadows the reality of a wonderful morning that I’m having.

We all do this. We create stories around small facts, and those stories can cause us unnecessary pain. Here’s another example from my own experience:

• Fact: I quit my job last year.

• The Negative Story: I’m a failure and couldn’t hack it in the corporate world. If I were tougher or more emotionally resilient, I’d still be climbing the corporate ladder.

• The Alternative Story (Equally True): I made the brave decision to leave my corporate job and pursue other interests that align more with my values. This decision is helping me grow into a more rounded, fulfilled person.

The fact is, I quit my job. The story I tell myself about it is up to me.

Where in your life are you creating unnecessary pain through the stories you tell yourself? What assumptions are you making about others that are causing you harm?

If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of painful thoughts, I can help you through thought work that can distance you from those stories – or even transform them into something more empowering.