Reflecting on 2024

As we approach the end of 2024, I’ve been reflecting on this extraordinary year. For me, it was a year of big changes. I stepped away from a 27-year career, launched a new business, and enjoyed six months of planned unemployment.

When I first left my job, I had grand plans for my time off. I wanted to make the most of it: travel, get in shape, learn to cook, write daily, volunteer, and clean out years of accumulated clutter. But what I actually did was very different. I realized I didn’t want to do any of the things I’d planned. What I desperately wanted instead was… nothing. I spent months doing just that—nothing. A typical day would involve lounging with my dog, binge-watching television. Sometimes I’d manage to journal, meditate, or cook dinner, and I’d count that as a really good day.

It felt like nothing was happening, and I would periodically panic. I didn’t want to go back to my old job, but I worried I was slipping into a depressive, lazy funk—one that could last forever. But the truth was, I didn’t feel depressed at all. I simply didn’t know what to do with myself, and I didn’t have the energy to start something new. A night out with friends or old colleagues would leave me drained and send me straight back into hibernation.

What was hard to recognize in the moment was that I was making progress. Martha Beck describes the change cycle, which consists of four stages of major transformation. The first stage, Death and Rebirth, is based on the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. I can honestly say that the description of death and rebirth felt completely right for me. In many ways, my old life had to die before a new one could begin. The longer I clung to aspects of my old identity—my executive title, my income, my status—the longer the transformation took. But as I let go of these things, I began to experience the process of rebirth.

I see clients trying to skip this stage all the time, and I don’t blame them. Letting go of your identity is painful. It’s hard to release long-held beliefs about what will bring happiness. And unfortunately, this process can’t be rushed. Believe me, I tried. The only way through it is to go through it.

My metamorphosis isn’t complete, but I’m making slow and steady progress. And that, for me, is the gift of 2024—progress toward a better future.